UGHHHHHH

I've been so stressed lately.

I think it's because I have so many huge decisions to make in the next month, yes, I said month. I have one measly month to probably make the biggest decision of my life so far. Even when I'm thinking about other stuff, it makes that stuff more stressful. I'm beginning to think it's because I don't have any direction. I don't even have more people saying to do one thing more than another. I wish I had an answer, guess I just have to have faith that I will know what to do when it comes down to it. Each way I could go is so much work, the only thing I do know is I will not take the easy way out and continue doing what I'm doing. I finally have so much opportunity; none of which are wrong. Makes this 5,000 times harder to make a decision. 

EEEEEKKKKK 

Why am I writing this down? I've never considered myself a writer, in fact I hate to read. I rarely read anybody else's blogs, but for some reason, these blogposts, by the time I'm done writing about my issues, answer themselves. It has happened to me so many times. On paper it must make sense. My mind just must be so crazy all the time. Definitely indecisive. At least when it comes to this kind of stuff. I do know which choice will not risk anything, and is very sure, but it doesn't necessarily promise to be the most rewarding. 

Shit. 

Again, debating. 

On paper now, or I guess virtual paper. 

What to do.... I think I will just be prepared for all options as best as I can, then make a choice last minute, and promise myself no 

"what if's"

My sister posted this quote yesterday, and it's completely applicable. 

"It's a terrible thing. I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almsot no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking now is as good a time as any." -Hugh Laurie

How true is that? 

Guess I seriously just answered my question. I

 will never be 

"READY" 

or really know which answer is gonna be the best one when I can't see the future. I will just live my life. I will make a decision, and whatever that is, I will decide it's the right one, and it will be. 

THANKS MIKAYLA

WEDDING SINGERS

Okay so most people who will read this, already knew I was singing in a wedding this past weekend. It actually went surprisingly well! I think so anyway. For having no idea what we we're doing, I think we did great ha.

My wonderful cousin Dane totally got sucked into way more than I think he bargained for, and he will never know how grateful we really are for what he did. We literally gave him a list of songs, and he learned all in less than two weeks. He was so awesome, and great at making us laugh while doing it. I think he almost made it easier for us to overcome our fear of performing because he was absolutely confident in his own abilities, and it rubbed off on us. 

SO THANK YOU SO MUCH DANE!! 

I almost feel like this might actually might be a turning point in our own lives. It kind of showed us that we can do it. I was surprisingly comfortable singing in front of a lot of people. I LOVED IT! I feel like I actually could get good at it, and let me tell you, NOTHING makes me more happy. Everyone knows I've always wanted to sing. It also has shown me that there are other people with talents, that would love to do the same, and I'm hoping I run into some and that we might be able to actually take this somewhere!! I WOULD DIE!! Ha, crossing my fingers. I just have a couple pictures to post, and this is sort of a boring post, mostly just to document this event. I am sooooo grateful for the talents god has given me, and it's about time I start sharing them. Makes me feel so good about myself, and I guess that's what I'm supposed to be doing with my life:) Also I am seriously starting to consider moving to Australia again at the end of the summer, given that I'm not dating someone, or have anything tying me down here when that time rolls around:)

OH AND HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO JENTRI JEAN DEAN ON TYING THE KNOT!!!

JENTRI AND ROB

Love you to death, and so proud of who you are and who you have become! Best of luck to the new bride and groom!!

BEAUTY

Why am I where I am right now?

I ask myself this all the time.

I didn't really know the answer until now 

I'm here to relate

I'm here to understand

I am here to help

Console

Lift

and Teach

I'm good at these things

Always have been

Maybe that's why I get lazy

Because it's always been so easy

I AM A VERY BLESSED INDIVIDUAL

I was given many talents, most of which I don't share

It makes me so MAD

I have become what other people want me to be

And I never used to be that way

I'm done though

Making bad choices has taught me a lot

But I thought it would make me more independent

IT HAS DONE THE OPPOSITE

I'm more like everyone else than I ever have been

TIME TO BE ME ONCE AGAIN

BE 

DO

SAY

ME

To anyone that has ever wondered what it's like to be someone else, stop. Be you. 

Love you. 

Respect you. 

Confidence is beauty.

And you are Beautiful

You are something that can never be repeated

Something no one else can be

It's time to stop living your life by what others think is right, or pretty, or smart. I know there are plenty of people out there that will read this and say, that's not for me, she doesn't understand. I was there too, for a long time. Seems as though I'm right back there too, so I definitely understand. I have always let doubt keep me down. I've definitely looked at the glass half empty. I've definitely thought I wasn't pretty. It's all in your head though. Who really defines what pretty is?

Worldly beauty is generic beauty. 

What's so special about looking like everyone else? 

Nothing

So let's redefine beauty

Or even better...

Let's not let beauty be defined. 

We are beauty

Love is beauty

Peace is beauty

"The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages" -Virginia Woolf

NO MORE

What the world needs now

LOVE SWEET LOVE 

I have had this song stuck in my head for about a week now. I don't know what's gotten into me. I just love love, and I don't mean being in love with someone, I just am in love with everything. I actually have a good attitude lately ha. I have been somewhat of a BEEZY lately, cut me some slack though. It's been a long two months. So much has happened. So much a lot of people will never even know about. All I know is my life is perfect, or is going to be, all because I've decided it's going to be. No more making excuses, no more wanting to come home and go to sleep because I just don't want to deal with anything. I've made goals! A LOT OF GOALS. I have them posted all over my room, (which I just cleaned; Goal#1) ha. I have been thinking so much! Yes thinking seriously exhausts me, but it has also woke me up. Woke me up to my life! To this life I'm leading. I am in charge of it! No matter what anyone says, or what anyone does, I control what happens! I am the main character in this movie (Thank you Holiday:) No more sitting around waiting for things to happen. All day long  I was debating whether to add another class during the summer, or drop the one I have, because I will be POOR all summer if I add, then I thought to myself... what are you going to do with that money if you don't... EAT IT. Yes! Or drink it. Damn DIET COKE. Which one will take me further? Duh, no brainer. Procrastination is my worst enemy! Always has been, I wish I was one of those self disciplined freaks, but nope, I even have this system where I have my scrubs in my car so that I literally only have to wake up 5 minutes before I go to work and get dressed there! It's humiliating! I look like hell every day! Sorry about all the swearing! I am screaming in my mind right now! Also the whole talent thing, which I've touched on multiple times... yeah still haven't done it! Holy crap! There are only two things I have ever wanted to do in life; Sing, and build assisted living homes. How close am I to either?? Uhhh not at all!! Seriously somebody slap me, I don't know what I'm waiting for. I think I just want my sister's to do it with me, or someone to hold my hand, but that isn't how anyone got to where they are! It's the one's that never tell themselves they can't, or they will later! Seriously, I know this, why don't I act on it?? Well that ends today! This seriously is a turning point in my life. I'm reading the secret ten times over, I'm gonna read Steve Jobs book, whatever it takes to finally be motivated. Let me tell you, today I wanted to go to sleep when I got home more than I ever have, but I didn't:) I seriously feel so great too. Maybe I will get tired earlier and go to sleep at a reasonable time and start making better choices. I just know that my entire life is changing today. It is. It is because I have made up my mind that that's how I want it. New Danyel in T minus 4,3,2,1.... 

THEE ANSWER

The answer

Leave it alone

If you seek it

It transforms

Molds

Conforms

But that's not what I want

I want IT

I want it to reveal itself to me

I don't want it to change

I don't want to seek it

Don't make me seek it

Let it be

No rushing time

You can't get it back

There are other things to do

What's the hurry?

You have ALL the time

Infinite

Not just this life

For life is ETERNAL

So don't hurry anything

Take a look around

Smile

Serve

Enjoy

Create

Love

For once you've found yourself

The answer 

In it's true form

Was there the whole time

Sometimes I have to write things down to answer my own questions, this was one of those times. You know, who cares what other people think, who cares if someone says you can't do something, or aren't pretty enough, or smart enough! What do they freaking know?? They know their own insecurities, and they will continue to have them until they figure this out for themselves. Their own answer is inside of them, until they know themselves, nobody else will respect them. Don't let someone else get you down, and don't tear anyone else down! Love yourself! It's a vicious cycle. Can't forget who you are. I never want to be any one but me! I love me:) I love my pep talks with myself ha 

ANY WAY, (apparently that is not a grammatically correct saying)

 Goodnight:) 

Blah blah blah

Okay, so I just wrote a whole blogpost and felt like I got too specific and if certain people read it, they would know it was about them, so I erased it ha. 

Basically it came down to this... 

Be mature people. 

Maturity is not boring. 

I doubt Steve Jobs life was immature, and not boring. 

Eff drugs

Don't settle

Don't start fights. 

Make peace, not war. 

Contention is of the devil. 

Instead of pissing someone off, kill them with kindness... I promise it works;)

Stupid blogpost I know... almost a waste, but it's what I needed. 

To get some things off my mind. 

Now this week will be amazing. 

Wiz, Hella Jazz game, Kony, and another three day weekend... a warm one:) 

ANNNYYYYWAAYYYYS, Night all. 

I will post something tomorrow that actually makes sense and is more thought out. 

Maybe

Weighing thoughts

A LOT has been on my mind.

A LOT! 

I think more than ever has been before.

 I feel like once I start this blogpost, I will never stop. 

I'm crazy right now. 

I don't even know what I'm thinking VS. what I'm feeling. 

I can't tell if these sickening anxious feelings are action induced, or just wayyyy too much diet coke all the time. Guess I'll never know until I quit... so long diet coke. 

I'm still here, I still feel.

I feel a lot, so much in fact that sometimes I want to curl up into a ball pretty much anywhere and go to sleep because it's the only time I'm numb to it all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I don't think negatively at all, I just am scared I guess? I don't really know how to define what I'm feeling. 

This probably isn't very informative to most, and I want it to be vague. It's not meant to be understood by all. It's actually very private, but a way I can maybe put it in words, and feel some sort of peace

Day 1:

I'm great, so many ideas, extremely positive, and ready to take on the world

Day 2:

Figuring out how I'm going to accomplish all the things that have been running through my mind, no one can bring me down, I'm still on top of the world.

Day 3: 

Things remind me. Kind of stop me in my tracks. Take me back a little bit.

Day 4: 

Everything reminds me. No thinking of anything else. Full focus of my mind, my soul, my energy.

Day 5:

Numb. Deaf. Blind. Non-existent 

Day 6: 

Notice the sun, notice the people, notice the care, the smiles, the warmth

Day 7:

Remember God, remember Heavenly father, remember that filter 'of everything happens for a reason', and remember I have plenty to smile about:)

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS PEOPLE

Life isn't so bad. God is the most powerful filter there is. 

God has three answers to your prayers: 

1. Yes

2. Not yet

3. I have something better in mind

Seriously god is always there, he is ALWAYS there to pick you up, I feel so ashamed that I forget this every time until I need something. I've had one really good year where I made him the focus of my life, and nothing has EVER compared. There was a constant understanding that there was a plan for me. That I am here for a reason. I am a daughter of god, and I need to share that with people. Our entire existence is only so we can return to him. 

I will someday, and I plan to make him proud. 

PS: when I started this blog post I had no intentions of it going in the direction it just did, but I am extremely happy about it. I actually had a whole lot of stuff to complain about, and now I don't:) Blessings in disguise! 

Also, Ashli and I have recorded a video. We look weird, but it's another step in the right direction:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH6IUkCw6BM

It's not easy to be me

I guess this is just to get this out there. Ha, I'm learnin'

Safe and sound

I know... so much for blogging more often, but I am uploading another video of my singing. I have not really been keeping up with my goals... but I'm trying:/ Hope you enjoy anyways. Sorry it's such a rough recording.

Confused

I know I said I wasn't confused, but now I just have a feeling of confusion. Maybe it's anxiety? Jealousy? I don't know what's changed in 48 hours, but it's been a complete 180. Where to even begin? Well first of all.... what is the big deal about new years eve and new years? Yeah I get that's it's pretty cool that we are now living a year that we will never live again, but really Mcdonalds? You have to be closed both days? You are seriously killing me! I NEED my Diet Coke, and have now driven to you twice, and been completely disappointed. Ugh. Also, sleep... is not my friend. Sleeping and not sleeping is literally destroying my brain. I feel like I can't focus, I don't want to do anything, I'm not really motivated. I guess I can not deprive my brain of rest anymore... you win, Brain. Geez. New year's was flipping cold until the hotel, which now owns my new glasses, and my other sandal. I didn't want to wake anyone up in the other room so I just left it thinking someone would grab it, buuuuttt uhhh, it doesn't seem like anybody did. Guess I need to call the hotel dang it. I miss how things were a month ago. I would never have guesseed things could change this quickly, which is weird, because I've been there done that like 1,000 times. It's just been a while, and I didn't really make them happen, they just did, so it's taking some getting used to. I'm moving home... my car is still packed full of my stuff... I NEED to empty my car, but I have no energy to do so. I absolutely HAVE to because I need to pick up all the rest that is at my house before they charge me another month's rent. Hopefully Todd is just cool with it. Dev got engaged... finally ha. Congrats. I went to a New Year's Eve party for about 5 minutes that had 6 married couples... all my friend's that have married Scott's friends. It is rrreeeaaaallllyyy weird to see. Poor Steve was ridin' solo ha. Yeah this probably isn't making a lot of sense and isn't in any sort of order, but it's the things that are on my mind, hopefully if I put them here, they will stay here. Seriously though, my body needs a Mcdonald's diet coke. My stomach hurts. So ornery. For those of you that think I never getting frustrated... this is me frustrated right now. I just feel like I don't even know what to do. Better just do service or be productive. If any one knows of any service that someone needs, or something they themselves are in need of, please tell. I will be selfishly unselfish and help you so it helps me!! Another thing.... my family's dog is afraid of fireworks, so for the past two days she was been shaking non-stop and she will not leave my side... it's rather annoying. Anyways I guess I better end things on a lighter note so you don't all hate me the next time you see me!! My voice is pretty scratchy, (losing it once again) but here is a little something I recorded. My favorite song, is seemed more than appropriate:) It's a bit more upbeat than normal ha. 

The whole world in my hands

Got talked into blogging once again ha, I always forget about it. I'm driven this time though, I have soooo many goals. I'm in love with reaching them, if that makes any sense. I am so excited for 2012 it's ridiculous. 

SO A FEW THINGS

1. I am moving back home in the next three days (Yes, I was only gone almost 3 months)
2. I am going to start selling pre-season for Vivint
3. GUESS WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS?!! Ha, everyone already knows
4. Guess what else I got?? A MICROPHONE!! Now we can make music! YAY
5. I will soon find out where I will be living this summer, hopefully making a little bit of extra money 
6. I want a new car, that is a brand new goal as of today, my car was struggling back from St. George
7. Once I get back... I am either moving to New York, or France ha, haven't really decided yet! 

CRAZY I KNOW 

Who do I think I am?? 

I am Danyel F-n Snow

I can do whatever I want, and no one will stop me:) 

I am seriously so excited, and I noticed something the other day that I had never really paid attention to.

People, telling their success stories, always talk about how people told them they would never amount to anything, or that their ideas were crazy, and then they took that and proved them wrong! Well I never have anyone telling me I can't do something, in fact, I have the opposite! If the whole world thinks I can do something... what in the hell am I doing telling myself I can't?? Geez.... I am done being afraid, or thinking something is too hard, is too far away, or out of reach. Seriously I have the whole world in my hands, and I need to take advantage of that!! Anyways, pretty much everyone should come to this realization, because it's incredible. So plan on hearing from me a lot more often!! 

NIGHT

Oh thank heavens, literally

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”

- Benjamin Franklin

Yes, it's true. We do. Smart and wise are two very different things. I am honestly blessed to have been surrounded by very wise people for many years of my life now. I now have worked as a CNA at an alzheimer's unit for three months. It's the absolute worst disease in the world. You have your health and strength... but you can't, no matter how hard you try, control it. Can you imagine not being able to express yourself? No wonder they are agitated all the time; plus the simplest things you and I do everyday every second, are a struggle for them. It's rough. The poor things could be abused, neglected, or hurt, and you would never know it. It knows no age either, it can happen to anyone. We have a 58 year old:( 

The most genuine compliment you will ever get, is one from an alzheimer's sufferer. 

I don't know why I just went off on that, probably because it's all I do anymore ha. I love it though. Never a dull moment. It's a blessing to be able to work doing something that actually makes a difference, whether people know it or not. It's the most satisfying job. Guess I just wanted to show a little gratitude. 

Well I know I always say this, but it has been a long time since I've blogged again. I work so much, and then I sleep when I get home because I crash from all the energy drinks I drink everyday. 

I GOTTA QUIT THAT

Good news is, someone inspired me. I don't even remember what it actually said, but something Jordan Brown posted on his pinterest said something about how being succesful has to do with how hard you are willing to work.... I know we've heard quotes like this all the time, but then I thought about how good Jordan really is at what he does. He really does work wayyyy hard. So I've tried to apply this to a few things I want to do. Yes I want to build assisted living homes and I want to build a reception, but everyone knows I want to sing. The thing is I don't have any way to make music. So I FORCED myself to practice the one song on the guitar all the time... and I can pretty much play it without looking now! Oh and that makes learning more... WAY more exciting now. I'm dying. I'm actually gonna make this happen. Mikayla is in... Ashli might just be a little too sarcastic and doubting, but hopefully she will see the vision soon!! I've got a goal to actually write, sing, record a song by the end of this month... and it might happen! Really I would rather do this than anything else in the ENTIRE world. 

FYI I just started tweeting ha. DORK I know, well actually the world thinks that's pretty cool, kind of dorky that it took me this long to start though. Apparently at one time I started a tumblr too, ha and now I am updating my blog. WHOA I'm on one ha. Gotta connect with people somehow right? Why not ten different ways ha. LOVE IT. 

LOVE THESE, Thank you PINTEREST:)

Just watch;)

SIEZE THE HELL OUT OF TODAY, why not?

Wish I remembered to do this everyday, it changes your perspective on everything

I might just be crazy enough;) WATCH OUT

if only

SIMPLE

XOXOxxOoXOoxXXoOXOX

Just dropping in

TOTALLY STOLE THIS FROM MY LITTLE SISTERS BLOG, she wrote it; I like it though, mostly the way she wrote it out. I thought it was pretty cool. 

I've kind of had a rough couple of weeks too, and usually when I blog I somehow manage to inspire myself so I thought now was the time! 

I see nothing.
Or else I see everything empty.
Empty Roads.         Empty Houses.        Bare Trees.       Airless Balloons.        Peopleless Churches.
Sad looking really. 

I walk alone on this Avenue of Shattered Hopes, there are abandoned cars that line the streets where smiling faces used to fill the air, now there is no one smiling,
                                                                             no one hugging,
                                                                                        no one kissing,
                                                                                                        just empty streets.
Empty fields.          Empty barns.           Empty faces of people I've never seen.     Children looking to the skies.

They see birds.

Hundreds of them.

Thousands of them.

They're flying away.    I wish I could fly away too,
                                                         To somewhere new.

Where people love, and care for each other, and share their time with one another, as families, and as friends.  Where we join hands as a people.  We stand as ONE.  Where smiles are shown, and emotions are shared, and feelings mean something.  But NO.

I see sad faces
                  and
                      Jukeboxes. . . . . No longer playing.                             PUNCHED WALLS.
          and Smashed guitars.               and emptiness.


-Mikayla Snow

THEN.... something we all know, Taylor Swift is a genius. I seriously admire that she has the guts to say what the rest of us pretend we don't think. Everything she writes, we can all relate to. It's amazing. So I decided to post some of her lyrics, quotes, etc.. that I found. 

THIS IS JUST A COOL QUOTE AND PICTURE. 

AND, I know I said this before, but I actually have been practicing the guitar again. I have a goal to spend at least 20 minutes on it each day. I am slow, that's my biggest problem. I have a hard time switching from note to note. I will get it though, when I tell myself I'm gonna practice for an hour, I get overwhelmed, so I am going for a much more reasonable goal ha. Once I start to get okay at it though, it will all be downhill. I like to be the best ha, right now I'm just stuck on the frustrating part. Plus I love singing to it! I know one song and I love to sing it over and over again. It's finally getting exciting! 

I will blog more again I promise. Things are all coming back together now! I know I've said that before, but really this time. They all sort of fell apart for a while! 

BYE!!!

A GREAT NEW BEGINNING

Okay, so I think I'm pretty safe in saying I have a job!! Ha, I've officially worked three shifts, which makes me an actual employee at Alta Ridge Alzheimers!! It feels so good, it will be a hell of a time catching up with money though. CA didn't treat me too well when it comes to that. I will get there though, I just wish I could work more! Honestly I've missed working. A lot. My first day my back ached so much, I seriously thought I wasn't going to be able to hack it. I proved myself though, I have a hall that I am assigned to, and they told me they were only gonna train me two days, then I was on my own... because of my work experience ha.... trusting I know. However, I'd like to say I did great, I did everything I was supposed to and more:) I took an extra shift the day after, and was pretty nervous about it, because I was all on my own, and I rocked it ha.

I love it

 I already have fallen in love with so many people, and I just can't wait to make a difference. It's definitely my passion, and

I've sure missed it.

Another funny little sidenote, Taylor Weiland and I went to Bastille a few weeks back, and I turned in an application. They said they weren't hiring, but they would take my resume in case they needed someone. So this last week Taylor and I hung out and she said she got an e-mail from Bastille saying that she was to call in for an interview. Ha, but she never applied... luckily she was with me so that she could tell me. Turns out that when Taylor and I were in CA together, we had put both of our resumes in the same little box. I somehow grabbed her resume without noticing and turned it in ha. So today I forwarded them the message and attached my resume. Just kind of funny that things like that can happen ha. It would be awesome to work there a few nights a week too though.

Also, I want to be a redbull girl... more than anything pretty much ha. It seriously just sounds like so much fun. So today Brian told me that the redbull girls came into his work and he asked them how to become one, they said you just go online and if there is a job opening, that is where you apply. So I did. Ha I didn't realize it was like a legit job though, ha oh well. If it is supposed to be I will figure it out ha. I seriously just want to carry one of those big fat redbull cans on my back. I can't think of a better job, doesn't hurt that Ashli and I are both obsessed with redbull as it is:)

I guess maybe I can start planning again now. I have always made plans, but lately things have been so out of my hands that I've had to just let things happen and deal with it. I'm not complaining at all either. I'm actually really grateful! I haven't really had these challenges in the past, and like they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and it certainly does!! I have been so moneywise the last three months!! I have never been that way in my life, guess I needed this after all ha. Good thing I have a great family, and awesome friends that make it a whole lot easier.

My mom has this quote in our house:
"When you have nothing left but god, you become aware that god is enough"

LOVE IT

And................

DIET COKE IS NOT LONGER IN CONTROL OF MY BODY

and I've never been more happy about anything!!!

I'm finally free ha

I now run on strictly water and lemonade:)

and it feels great

You guys, I have not cried except once (good reason) in I don't know how long. I know they say sometimes it's good to cry, but in all honesty, it is GREAT NOT to cry. I love that there is a plan for me, and that I have that little filter that helps me to see the positive in things. I just always have to remember that:)

<3

This is probably one of my absolute favorite quotes, there are a lot that kind of say the same thing, but none that are so simply put. I hope to leave some kind of legacy someday:)

This kind of goes a long with the last one

I know I already put this on my facebook, but I can't get enough of it. If I could be one human being in the world, I would be her. Seriously? Justin Bieber, HELLO. Plus I wouldn't hate being this pretty!

I must be on a Disney kick too, this will probably get old fast, but I just love songs with so much emotion, and this one takes the cake.

Plus her hair is FABULOUS, RIDICULOUSLY FABULOUS