UGHHHHHH

I've been so stressed lately.

I think it's because I have so many huge decisions to make in the next month, yes, I said month. I have one measly month to probably make the biggest decision of my life so far. Even when I'm thinking about other stuff, it makes that stuff more stressful. I'm beginning to think it's because I don't have any direction. I don't even have more people saying to do one thing more than another. I wish I had an answer, guess I just have to have faith that I will know what to do when it comes down to it. Each way I could go is so much work, the only thing I do know is I will not take the easy way out and continue doing what I'm doing. I finally have so much opportunity; none of which are wrong. Makes this 5,000 times harder to make a decision. 

EEEEEKKKKK 

Why am I writing this down? I've never considered myself a writer, in fact I hate to read. I rarely read anybody else's blogs, but for some reason, these blogposts, by the time I'm done writing about my issues, answer themselves. It has happened to me so many times. On paper it must make sense. My mind just must be so crazy all the time. Definitely indecisive. At least when it comes to this kind of stuff. I do know which choice will not risk anything, and is very sure, but it doesn't necessarily promise to be the most rewarding. 

Shit. 

Again, debating. 

On paper now, or I guess virtual paper. 

What to do.... I think I will just be prepared for all options as best as I can, then make a choice last minute, and promise myself no 

"what if's"

My sister posted this quote yesterday, and it's completely applicable. 

"It's a terrible thing. I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almsot no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking now is as good a time as any." -Hugh Laurie

How true is that? 

Guess I seriously just answered my question. I

 will never be 

"READY" 

or really know which answer is gonna be the best one when I can't see the future. I will just live my life. I will make a decision, and whatever that is, I will decide it's the right one, and it will be. 

THANKS MIKAYLA

WEDDING SINGERS

Okay so most people who will read this, already knew I was singing in a wedding this past weekend. It actually went surprisingly well! I think so anyway. For having no idea what we we're doing, I think we did great ha.

My wonderful cousin Dane totally got sucked into way more than I think he bargained for, and he will never know how grateful we really are for what he did. We literally gave him a list of songs, and he learned all in less than two weeks. He was so awesome, and great at making us laugh while doing it. I think he almost made it easier for us to overcome our fear of performing because he was absolutely confident in his own abilities, and it rubbed off on us. 

SO THANK YOU SO MUCH DANE!! 

I almost feel like this might actually might be a turning point in our own lives. It kind of showed us that we can do it. I was surprisingly comfortable singing in front of a lot of people. I LOVED IT! I feel like I actually could get good at it, and let me tell you, NOTHING makes me more happy. Everyone knows I've always wanted to sing. It also has shown me that there are other people with talents, that would love to do the same, and I'm hoping I run into some and that we might be able to actually take this somewhere!! I WOULD DIE!! Ha, crossing my fingers. I just have a couple pictures to post, and this is sort of a boring post, mostly just to document this event. I am sooooo grateful for the talents god has given me, and it's about time I start sharing them. Makes me feel so good about myself, and I guess that's what I'm supposed to be doing with my life:) Also I am seriously starting to consider moving to Australia again at the end of the summer, given that I'm not dating someone, or have anything tying me down here when that time rolls around:)

OH AND HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO JENTRI JEAN DEAN ON TYING THE KNOT!!!

JENTRI AND ROB

Love you to death, and so proud of who you are and who you have become! Best of luck to the new bride and groom!!

BEAUTY

Why am I where I am right now?

I ask myself this all the time.

I didn't really know the answer until now 

I'm here to relate

I'm here to understand

I am here to help

Console

Lift

and Teach

I'm good at these things

Always have been

Maybe that's why I get lazy

Because it's always been so easy

I AM A VERY BLESSED INDIVIDUAL

I was given many talents, most of which I don't share

It makes me so MAD

I have become what other people want me to be

And I never used to be that way

I'm done though

Making bad choices has taught me a lot

But I thought it would make me more independent

IT HAS DONE THE OPPOSITE

I'm more like everyone else than I ever have been

TIME TO BE ME ONCE AGAIN

BE 

DO

SAY

ME

To anyone that has ever wondered what it's like to be someone else, stop. Be you. 

Love you. 

Respect you. 

Confidence is beauty.

And you are Beautiful

You are something that can never be repeated

Something no one else can be

It's time to stop living your life by what others think is right, or pretty, or smart. I know there are plenty of people out there that will read this and say, that's not for me, she doesn't understand. I was there too, for a long time. Seems as though I'm right back there too, so I definitely understand. I have always let doubt keep me down. I've definitely looked at the glass half empty. I've definitely thought I wasn't pretty. It's all in your head though. Who really defines what pretty is?

Worldly beauty is generic beauty. 

What's so special about looking like everyone else? 

Nothing

So let's redefine beauty

Or even better...

Let's not let beauty be defined. 

We are beauty

Love is beauty

Peace is beauty

"The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages" -Virginia Woolf

NO MORE