What the world needs now

LOVE SWEET LOVE 

I have had this song stuck in my head for about a week now. I don't know what's gotten into me. I just love love, and I don't mean being in love with someone, I just am in love with everything. I actually have a good attitude lately ha. I have been somewhat of a BEEZY lately, cut me some slack though. It's been a long two months. So much has happened. So much a lot of people will never even know about. All I know is my life is perfect, or is going to be, all because I've decided it's going to be. No more making excuses, no more wanting to come home and go to sleep because I just don't want to deal with anything. I've made goals! A LOT OF GOALS. I have them posted all over my room, (which I just cleaned; Goal#1) ha. I have been thinking so much! Yes thinking seriously exhausts me, but it has also woke me up. Woke me up to my life! To this life I'm leading. I am in charge of it! No matter what anyone says, or what anyone does, I control what happens! I am the main character in this movie (Thank you Holiday:) No more sitting around waiting for things to happen. All day long  I was debating whether to add another class during the summer, or drop the one I have, because I will be POOR all summer if I add, then I thought to myself... what are you going to do with that money if you don't... EAT IT. Yes! Or drink it. Damn DIET COKE. Which one will take me further? Duh, no brainer. Procrastination is my worst enemy! Always has been, I wish I was one of those self disciplined freaks, but nope, I even have this system where I have my scrubs in my car so that I literally only have to wake up 5 minutes before I go to work and get dressed there! It's humiliating! I look like hell every day! Sorry about all the swearing! I am screaming in my mind right now! Also the whole talent thing, which I've touched on multiple times... yeah still haven't done it! Holy crap! There are only two things I have ever wanted to do in life; Sing, and build assisted living homes. How close am I to either?? Uhhh not at all!! Seriously somebody slap me, I don't know what I'm waiting for. I think I just want my sister's to do it with me, or someone to hold my hand, but that isn't how anyone got to where they are! It's the one's that never tell themselves they can't, or they will later! Seriously, I know this, why don't I act on it?? Well that ends today! This seriously is a turning point in my life. I'm reading the secret ten times over, I'm gonna read Steve Jobs book, whatever it takes to finally be motivated. Let me tell you, today I wanted to go to sleep when I got home more than I ever have, but I didn't:) I seriously feel so great too. Maybe I will get tired earlier and go to sleep at a reasonable time and start making better choices. I just know that my entire life is changing today. It is. It is because I have made up my mind that that's how I want it. New Danyel in T minus 4,3,2,1.... 

THEE ANSWER

The answer

Leave it alone

If you seek it

It transforms

Molds

Conforms

But that's not what I want

I want IT

I want it to reveal itself to me

I don't want it to change

I don't want to seek it

Don't make me seek it

Let it be

No rushing time

You can't get it back

There are other things to do

What's the hurry?

You have ALL the time

Infinite

Not just this life

For life is ETERNAL

So don't hurry anything

Take a look around

Smile

Serve

Enjoy

Create

Love

For once you've found yourself

The answer 

In it's true form

Was there the whole time

Sometimes I have to write things down to answer my own questions, this was one of those times. You know, who cares what other people think, who cares if someone says you can't do something, or aren't pretty enough, or smart enough! What do they freaking know?? They know their own insecurities, and they will continue to have them until they figure this out for themselves. Their own answer is inside of them, until they know themselves, nobody else will respect them. Don't let someone else get you down, and don't tear anyone else down! Love yourself! It's a vicious cycle. Can't forget who you are. I never want to be any one but me! I love me:) I love my pep talks with myself ha 

ANY WAY, (apparently that is not a grammatically correct saying)

 Goodnight:) 

Blah blah blah

Okay, so I just wrote a whole blogpost and felt like I got too specific and if certain people read it, they would know it was about them, so I erased it ha. 

Basically it came down to this... 

Be mature people. 

Maturity is not boring. 

I doubt Steve Jobs life was immature, and not boring. 

Eff drugs

Don't settle

Don't start fights. 

Make peace, not war. 

Contention is of the devil. 

Instead of pissing someone off, kill them with kindness... I promise it works;)

Stupid blogpost I know... almost a waste, but it's what I needed. 

To get some things off my mind. 

Now this week will be amazing. 

Wiz, Hella Jazz game, Kony, and another three day weekend... a warm one:) 

ANNNYYYYWAAYYYYS, Night all. 

I will post something tomorrow that actually makes sense and is more thought out. 

Maybe

Weighing thoughts

A LOT has been on my mind.

A LOT! 

I think more than ever has been before.

 I feel like once I start this blogpost, I will never stop. 

I'm crazy right now. 

I don't even know what I'm thinking VS. what I'm feeling. 

I can't tell if these sickening anxious feelings are action induced, or just wayyyy too much diet coke all the time. Guess I'll never know until I quit... so long diet coke. 

I'm still here, I still feel.

I feel a lot, so much in fact that sometimes I want to curl up into a ball pretty much anywhere and go to sleep because it's the only time I'm numb to it all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I don't think negatively at all, I just am scared I guess? I don't really know how to define what I'm feeling. 

This probably isn't very informative to most, and I want it to be vague. It's not meant to be understood by all. It's actually very private, but a way I can maybe put it in words, and feel some sort of peace

Day 1:

I'm great, so many ideas, extremely positive, and ready to take on the world

Day 2:

Figuring out how I'm going to accomplish all the things that have been running through my mind, no one can bring me down, I'm still on top of the world.

Day 3: 

Things remind me. Kind of stop me in my tracks. Take me back a little bit.

Day 4: 

Everything reminds me. No thinking of anything else. Full focus of my mind, my soul, my energy.

Day 5:

Numb. Deaf. Blind. Non-existent 

Day 6: 

Notice the sun, notice the people, notice the care, the smiles, the warmth

Day 7:

Remember God, remember Heavenly father, remember that filter 'of everything happens for a reason', and remember I have plenty to smile about:)

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS PEOPLE

Life isn't so bad. God is the most powerful filter there is. 

God has three answers to your prayers: 

1. Yes

2. Not yet

3. I have something better in mind

Seriously god is always there, he is ALWAYS there to pick you up, I feel so ashamed that I forget this every time until I need something. I've had one really good year where I made him the focus of my life, and nothing has EVER compared. There was a constant understanding that there was a plan for me. That I am here for a reason. I am a daughter of god, and I need to share that with people. Our entire existence is only so we can return to him. 

I will someday, and I plan to make him proud. 

PS: when I started this blog post I had no intentions of it going in the direction it just did, but I am extremely happy about it. I actually had a whole lot of stuff to complain about, and now I don't:) Blessings in disguise! 

Also, Ashli and I have recorded a video. We look weird, but it's another step in the right direction:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH6IUkCw6BM

It's not easy to be me

I guess this is just to get this out there. Ha, I'm learnin'

Safe and sound

I know... so much for blogging more often, but I am uploading another video of my singing. I have not really been keeping up with my goals... but I'm trying:/ Hope you enjoy anyways. Sorry it's such a rough recording.

Confused

I know I said I wasn't confused, but now I just have a feeling of confusion. Maybe it's anxiety? Jealousy? I don't know what's changed in 48 hours, but it's been a complete 180. Where to even begin? Well first of all.... what is the big deal about new years eve and new years? Yeah I get that's it's pretty cool that we are now living a year that we will never live again, but really Mcdonalds? You have to be closed both days? You are seriously killing me! I NEED my Diet Coke, and have now driven to you twice, and been completely disappointed. Ugh. Also, sleep... is not my friend. Sleeping and not sleeping is literally destroying my brain. I feel like I can't focus, I don't want to do anything, I'm not really motivated. I guess I can not deprive my brain of rest anymore... you win, Brain. Geez. New year's was flipping cold until the hotel, which now owns my new glasses, and my other sandal. I didn't want to wake anyone up in the other room so I just left it thinking someone would grab it, buuuuttt uhhh, it doesn't seem like anybody did. Guess I need to call the hotel dang it. I miss how things were a month ago. I would never have guesseed things could change this quickly, which is weird, because I've been there done that like 1,000 times. It's just been a while, and I didn't really make them happen, they just did, so it's taking some getting used to. I'm moving home... my car is still packed full of my stuff... I NEED to empty my car, but I have no energy to do so. I absolutely HAVE to because I need to pick up all the rest that is at my house before they charge me another month's rent. Hopefully Todd is just cool with it. Dev got engaged... finally ha. Congrats. I went to a New Year's Eve party for about 5 minutes that had 6 married couples... all my friend's that have married Scott's friends. It is rrreeeaaaallllyyy weird to see. Poor Steve was ridin' solo ha. Yeah this probably isn't making a lot of sense and isn't in any sort of order, but it's the things that are on my mind, hopefully if I put them here, they will stay here. Seriously though, my body needs a Mcdonald's diet coke. My stomach hurts. So ornery. For those of you that think I never getting frustrated... this is me frustrated right now. I just feel like I don't even know what to do. Better just do service or be productive. If any one knows of any service that someone needs, or something they themselves are in need of, please tell. I will be selfishly unselfish and help you so it helps me!! Another thing.... my family's dog is afraid of fireworks, so for the past two days she was been shaking non-stop and she will not leave my side... it's rather annoying. Anyways I guess I better end things on a lighter note so you don't all hate me the next time you see me!! My voice is pretty scratchy, (losing it once again) but here is a little something I recorded. My favorite song, is seemed more than appropriate:) It's a bit more upbeat than normal ha.