Thursday, March 29, 2012

Weighing thoughts

A LOT has been on my mind.
I think more than ever has been before.
 I feel like once I start this blogpost, I will never stop. 
I'm crazy right now. 
I don't even know what I'm thinking VS. what I'm feeling. 
I can't tell if these sickening anxious feelings are action induced, or just wayyyy too much diet coke all the time. Guess I'll never know until I quit... so long diet coke. 
I'm still here, I still feel.
I feel a lot, so much in fact that sometimes I want to curl up into a ball pretty much anywhere and go to sleep because it's the only time I'm numb to it all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I don't think negatively at all, I just am scared I guess? I don't really know how to define what I'm feeling. 

This probably isn't very informative to most, and I want it to be vague. It's not meant to be understood by all. It's actually very private, but a way I can maybe put it in words, and feel some sort of peace

Day 1:

I'm great, so many ideas, extremely positive, and ready to take on the world

Day 2:

Figuring out how I'm going to accomplish all the things that have been running through my mind, no one can bring me down, I'm still on top of the world.

Day 3: 

Things remind me. Kind of stop me in my tracks. Take me back a little bit.

Day 4: 

Everything reminds me. No thinking of anything else. Full focus of my mind, my soul, my energy.

Day 5:

Numb. Deaf. Blind. Non-existent 

Day 6: 

Notice the sun, notice the people, notice the care, the smiles, the warmth

Day 7:

Remember God, remember Heavenly father, remember that filter 'of everything happens for a reason', and remember I have plenty to smile about:)


Life isn't so bad. God is the most powerful filter there is. 

God has three answers to your prayers: 

1. Yes
2. Not yet
3. I have something better in mind

Seriously god is always there, he is ALWAYS there to pick you up, I feel so ashamed that I forget this every time until I need something. I've had one really good year where I made him the focus of my life, and nothing has EVER compared. There was a constant understanding that there was a plan for me. That I am here for a reason. I am a daughter of god, and I need to share that with people. Our entire existence is only so we can return to him. 
I will someday, and I plan to make him proud. 

PS: when I started this blog post I had no intentions of it going in the direction it just did, but I am extremely happy about it. I actually had a whole lot of stuff to complain about, and now I don't:) Blessings in disguise! 

Also, Ashli and I have recorded a video. We look weird, but it's another step in the right direction:)